“When you create a family – you become one organism, living and breathing through one source, looking and moving in one direction.”
Everything about Z. is a bit stupefying. He has a large, square face, with a massive projecting nose and narrow greenish Asian cut eyes. Black hair brushed back from a broad but low forehead opens two distinct parallel straight lines, that meet only at infinity. Grave and weighty in his manner and body he does everything slowly and massively. As a locomotive he melancholy moves through life.
There is nothing soft about Z. He is disconcertingly unhurried in every word and movement. He punctuates his deep, firm, and rich speech with flashing and luminous colors. Within its setting I feel indolent and silenced.
You can depend on me for evidence. I formed the habit of sticking my attention into the venerable instrument of human character. Z. can talk forever, till the end of time, establishing contact with me and hiding slightly malicious amusement in his eyes under the narrowed lids. I feel the impulse to pull out his story of my head and heart because I know you can make a better use of it.
The rich human diversity is wedged in a family train and rides into the now. We are all enveloped in and on and under our histories. There seems to be a lot of shared on that common road to the natural union. Family takes the middle state, or what might be called the upper station in life. Success of it is found by long experience.
Tolerance as an ethical virtue requires mature wisdom and respect. Family happiness is not too far above you, or too far below you if you stay in the essential middle – the heart of forbearance and trust. We may judge of the happiness of this state by four major things, principles that guide us out of the miserable consequences of being too extreme in our opinions and beliefs.
A wise person will give his testimony to true felicity of that peaceful union, where temperance and moderation, quietness and spiritual health, all agreeable diversions and all desirable pleasures are the blessings attending it for life.
1) Form a Brilliant Scheme to Focus on Shared Pricks
Z’s family seemed to have no sense of proportion. And the only idea of it was beautiful. His father was born and raised in Mexico in a Muslim family, while his mother was a daughter of a Methodist minister. They adopted Z. when he was 4 years old. He identified himself closely with both cultures and religious beliefs, never feeling pressure coming from either side. They lived throughout the world with his father in the military. Most of his childhood was spent at a military base in Texas.
Z’s family was a unique example of the ‘cafeteria culture’ and the social setting of the military was out of the ordinary as well. The reception of their family varied, depending on the area, but the inner climate was always mild and comfortable. It mattered little where they lived, was it California or Michigan – they loved each other and accentuated their family values on common grounds, minimizing the importance of the differences.
To go happily and smoothly through the world hand in hand with your chosen partner you need not to rob your soul of peace, and your body of rest. Both these states are impossible if you feel enraged with the passion of envy, or secret burning lust of ambition for great things. The first is a poison to any relationship; and the second, when unshared, not voiced and supported by your partner, is also going to be ruinous to the union.
To make life easy you need to slide gently through every circumstance, accentuating your common patterns and minimizing the importance of your differences. Close personal ties with each other are the sweets of life. And the focus on critical dissimilarities gives the bitter taste that disagrees with any family union.
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2) Rejoice at the Contrasting Blessings of Your Personalities
When they lived in southern Kentucky, Z. was 13 at that time, they felt even more connected into one universal family union, built on love and trust. His mother and father gathered their wisdom and parental strength to support their Afro-Asian child in his teenage search of personal identity. Z. sought relief in composition. He wrote beautiful and painful poems, imprisoning his troubles in words.
Strong connection in his family helped him to live through those years with no close friendship ties outside of their small union. Moving throughout the country a lot made it close to impossible to build relationships with his peers. Z’s parents gifted all the treasures of their diverse heritage to make him feel rich and individually complete. This dual focus gave comfort to a lonely child, helping him to identify and recognize his unique origin, love and respect his story in a context of honor and nobility of soul.
Respect has a lot of hand in building a successful family union. We all go through many tempests at life sea, and troubles on our inner soul shore. Some things, that a husband and a wife are different from each other, may bring ill fate and push the family out of peaceful balance. The loud calls from our reason and more composed judgment should have power enough to distinguish between cultural, historical, and religious differences that are important and those which are not.
The goal is to be respectful and understanding. These dissimilarities should not be the instruments of destruction, but become the triggers that move our curiosity forward. Do not let your thoughts retire, be open to new ideas and flexible to changing circumstances. Learn to comfort your beloved person’s soul by accepting the cultural identity of each other and recognizing differences without accentuating them too much.
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3) Bear the Distress and Danger with Good-Will and Devotion
When Z. was 20 his girlfriend, being 10 years older, became pregnant with tweens. She already had a boy from her previous marriage. Her husband died not being able to even hold his son. E. thought she would never be able to move restlessly and freely through life anymore. Her loss made her spirit drop into curves of lazy indifference. This state of life apathy continued till the day she saw Z.
They met in Texas, where Z., following his father’s steps, was sent for service. E. lived in a housing area for military wives at that time. They got married for love and forever, family values prevailing in Z’s perception of the world. His cultural and religious sentiments were softly echoed by E’s acceptance and loving understanding.
Some things in life may make you feel loose and misguided. A faithful partner will take delight in supporting you at those tough times. To pursue a happy family union both parties in it should help each other out of the deepest gulfs of human miseries. The loving hand will always overtake you when a violent tornado on your job or hurricane over your health will shake you quite out of your knowledge.
In the sequel of life family union is the only harbor that can give us the taste of happiness and peaceful harmony. It will solace your mind and will spirit you for what is before and needs to be done. The best motivation in life is the desire to make a beloved person happy.
When you call to council with your partner and talk about the most important things that hold your union together, make sure to discuss your absolute devotion. Promise to never abandon each other and be thankful for the life you’ve decided to live together.
4) Artlessly Admit Extended Family Connections
Z’s interracial, interreligious family experience made him flexible and adaptable to the changing world around. His wife was a woman of a native American origin with deep cultural ties and beliefs, which she used to press close to her heart and hide from her first husband. Z. helped her to open her heritage book and they were reading it together with respectful attention.
Her family loved this young-looking man with old wisdom lurking in his Asian eyes. Z’s family accepted his choice with loving humor and serious understanding. The colors of their faces were diverse, the shades of their philosophies were controversial in many aspects – but they had a common universal understanding of the family values.
Two people unite the best blessings of existence when they raise a child. Life may be struggled through or lived happily depending on the peace between both sides. If a husband and a wife care a great deal for each other, they are open to connect with members of their extended families and are eager to introduce their offspring to the variety of family relationships.
The chances are that the child must be a gainer if loved by many relatives and experienced in various cultural situations. Life with little and sometimes bigger difficulties and privations is not damaging but strengthening if you can look at your family and see the rock that will always hold you firmly on the ground. Close loving people have sense, energy, and spirits that will bear you well through life. It is the universal good-will and contented mission of this union to be far from pushing, but on the contrary, close to celebrating the differences.
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Z. is three and forty now. Retired from his military service, he and his wife live in Austin, Texas. They have a family brunch once a month, to which all relatives bring their specialties. They celebrate their diversity and continue to remain faithful to their history.
It happens so that all Z’s kids are geographically very far, but spiritually they are always connected through ties of love and with the help of the internet.
A family union is enriching, rewarding, and beneficial for inner and outer health of a person. Respect makes a new clear path in the woods of life for the two people. Almost any discomposure of mind can be cured by loving energy. I would say that happiness in this union is attained by a mutual desire to learn about each other.
It is pleasant to have something to talk about. Together you can monopolize your differences and celebrate them with respect in your mind and love in your heart. Because the family union is like a union between two countries – with different history and traditions, views and life principles. To maintain peace may be a laborious process but it for sure is rewarding.
A family gives us a sense of power and beauty. It makes darkness light before us, and make crooked ways straight. If you follow the dominant spirit of the family built on love, trust, and respect it will guide you most hospitably to happiness.