I am an artist that combines human unfulfilled dreams, last painful regrets, and agonizing pleadings into the greatest masterpiece this world had ever seen.
Every patient I choose for my diary as a colorful brush stroke is immortalized on that painting of mine. Swab after swab it reveals the life that was ruined by fear, the happiness that was lost in wrong choices, and the time that was taken away by insignificant and silly things. My protagonists are lonely people. No one comes to visit them.
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When you have your life at the expense of your dearest people, death does as much by you in the end. You need to value those who are beside you when the sun is not on your side of the hedge, because when it is the other way around – anyone will be with you. Let us sift this matter to the bottom.
Life Most Foul – “The Last Realization I’ve Awakened”
When I get a pen, a patient on a deathbed realizes that he languished a miserable existence. It could have been a true life with just a bit more effort implied. The thoughts about it poison his few breaths left. In a way, the unfortunate humans I portrayed were already dead. It does make the sad pages of my diary gloomy, but it also makes me believe that the last realization I’ve awakened in their minds and depicted in my art may change the lives of the ones who are turning these pages right now.
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When a person reaches his nadir, his impasse – there is no time for playing the “Pride in Prejudice”. To lead the idle life of bare-faced money hunting may very much be jolly good when you are young and healthy. But taking it all around, what are you going to take with you when time is up? Only the things that are burnt into your memory will accompany you on your last stroll in this life. Memories that heighten your wisdom in the “Good-Deeds” department will strike a reliving note. And quite the opposite will happen if you can only remember a scorching hankering for riches and swallowing people up in an eager rush for it.
When Time Gets to Work on You – “A Little Time Left, Enough to Respond to a Question”
My unfortunate friend is very weak, and there is no hope of escape from death. But there is a little time left, enough to respond to a question that I ask before the end time comes. The interpretation does not matter, as the meaning is always the same. This question is laying deep down in our souls’ sacred places, the places we should go to multiple times throughout the day and barely ever enter. Everybody has to pay their own price for this mistake. In my stories, the price is life itself.
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If you make your air rife with the right questions now and then, you will be able to realize your true nature and to cast off selfishness. Use up your precious present moments in doing good for others and immersing yourself completely in the valuable relationship with people you love and care about. You can see yourself as a whole and complete only when you are in peace with your beloved circle.
Being Marked for Death – “You Don’t Have a Lot of Time Left”
“Martin, you are dying. You don’t have a lot of time left, but it is enough to think about someone you care about. This is a pen and a paper. If you have something to say – go ahead. I promise to deliver your message.”
Martin started to laugh convulsively, shaking all over. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. I think he cried this way for the first time in his life. He hadn’t shed a tear for many years, and all that emotion was tearing him apart right at that moment. I could see the pain crippling down his throat like a venomous snake with the only hateful desire to bite the heart, to make it bleed. It was a beautiful experience: a handsome man, with thin lips that never smiled, and grey eyes that never showed pity or compassion – this person was transformed into the naïve boy he ones had been. The boy that used to believe in love and remember how that feeling could rejuvenate and heal.
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Be generous in a way, when you do not want a return. Let yourself forget what you have done for others – this way you will never miss love. People whom you love and who love you, your family, parents, spouse and kids – they should be the cynosure of your eyes. This way your life will be a great masterpiece always looming on the horizon.
Instruments of Self-Destruction – “Everything I Thought Worth Fighting for Was Irrelevant”
“Nothing. Listen! Nothing came easy for me in this life. Everything I have I needed to fight for. Gnaw out like a mad dog, breaking the teeth and trying to chew through all obstacles on my way – human or material. I didn’t care. And you know what? I buried my claws deeper in the human flesh rather than other things and I enjoyed it. But… Ha… everything I thought worth fighting for was irrelevant. The mere fog that is fading away at the sight of a brighter ray of the sun, running in fear of nonexistence. It is all… the houses I had, the cars I cared so much about, the jewels I traded for pleasure to possess another beautiful face, sensual body, and empty eyes – all of it was nothingness and left me when I went broke.”
There are many wars where you are marching with the flag of success, recognition, and money. Those are of no true importance. Pour! and nothing is left. If only those are present, an emotional lack is reining in your heart. A skill of commanding love is the biggest blessing in life. To acquire it is very likely to prove a Herculean task, much harder than to become a millionaire many times over.
Exercising Your Soul – A Moment of Meaningful Silence
Martin sobs, hiding his face in his hands. A moment of meaningful silence. I love this shared minute of wisdom. I never interfere. I let him experience this ocean of new feelings, wave after wave until his lungs can take this emotional fragrance and inhale it greedily, viciously. He was a traveler in a desert. His life was a sandy plain with mirages of abundance and each of them turned out to be another sandstorm that swept away one by one everything that was real in his life.
Your “little meaningful moments” should become a perfect byword in your life. Schedule a “confessor” time in your day. Protected from prying eyes by the leafy screen or comfy walls, pay a deserved homage to your thoughts about life and death. Negative the idea of selfishness completely during this time. You will feel that ultimately we all love the same things royally: kind blood relations, dear caring friends, and innocent creatures.
A Grave Yarn About Old Times – “Am I the Only One Who Makes Such a Mistake?”
“I’ve lost everybody who cared about me. Everybody who I thought would be ever-present in my life by some weird universal law and without any effort on my side. Am I the only one who makes such a mistake? I traded Alive for Soulless. They needed me, my love, my attention, and my time. The most valuable things I never shared with my family. Then I thought it was too late. No. I didn’t. It is a lie. It is easy for me to make false statements, it became my nature. The truth is – I was too proud to ask for forgiveness, too arrogant to make the first move. And now I am alone. They would have been beside me right now if I had been with and for them before. No one is going to miss me. No one! I have nothing to write down on this paper because there is no one you can deliver it to.”
You’re barking the wrong tree if you allow yourself to repent the old times. To change what’s already been done it plumb impossible and you know it perfectly well. When you feel that these thoughts of the painful past come over you, enjoin silence on them immediately. You should woo only favorable images, the recollections that make you feel good.
Read more in my books
Martin dictates. I write. This time there are no tears to accompany his words. Time has come to open his heart. He was obsessed with such a common sickness of possession. He thought luxury can substitute him the warmth of loving humans. Every new object he obtained was draining his soul, making his heart numb – tough like a stone. He lost connection with his wife and son many years ago. His letter was addressed to his now grown-up son.
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Many people strive for material advantages of this world with more love of display than good, kind inclinations. The riches may literally vanish into the thin air and you will be left only with people you’ve managed to cherish, and memories you’ve managed to create. Do not let yourself live in a mental fog made of false life values. Do you perceive the terrible gravity of such existence? Do not be tongue-tied when you talk to yourself and bow pretenses out of your life with an impatient “Tchah!” The words of kindness and love should occur throughout your self-conversation with the regularity of a leitmotif, and in the nick of time, you will feel yourself the richest person in the world.