“My kind of loneliness rather aggravated than relieved the gloom of my life,” said K.,
muttering a curse upon his chosen solitude.
K. stole cautiously towards my secluded bench in the middle of my family’s little island of sunflowers in their utmost bloom and richness of color. One would be almost invisible amongst those kingly looking plants with their golden crowns and massive leaves.
K.’s frank and handsome face, fringed with a fine black beard, was a trifle over-serious for his eight and twenty. He was well-nigh alien to this stunning and bewildering scene, his gloominess quite confounded the senses. I looked at him in mute and timid wonder. He never before smiled at me or said as much as a word of polite greeting, and now he was pouring on me a torrent of friendly sentiments.
1) Falling into New-Situation Loneliness
When K. moved to our village he took no notice of other people and very little of me, although we were house to house neighbors and met quite often coming out and getting in our homely cottages, both thresholds facing each other. He seemed hard upon his thoughts, constantly looking down, as if examining his boots and the ground right under his feet.
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New-Place Loneliness by the nature of things may force a person into the embrace of solitude. The one not used to it, may feel stressed. To be locked one on one with yourself can be a challenge. The need to call into mind all the connection-making skills presents itself. And when not utilized right away, maybe forgotten completely. Shutting oneself up for a long time may create a communicative barrier, which will prevent a person from seeing an opportunity to meet people. Positive human contact – friendly affection is healing to the soul and body. Healthy spirit reigns in a healthy body and visa versa.
2) When Your Personality Is Telling Its Own Different Story
His isolation, so long endured, had only gained in strength by the nurtured notion of his difference from all other people that surrounded him. The intelligence that shone in his deep green eyes, when I finally had a chance to look into them while sitting on that bench, seemed scarcely of his age, or of the world. The changing expression of good humor and seriousness, his ability to blush very red to the ears made me admire a thousand lights that played about his face.
K.’s IQ scored over 200 and that was a curse of his life. He saw the world in numbers and schemes rather than in colors and vibes. He perceived people as rough creatures, not fit to be his companions.
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I-Am-Different Loneliness is quite a mystical state of mind. It is good to be different, feel oneself unique. But there is a fine ground between feeling different and feeling superior. The first one is most often positive, rather than the other is for sure negative. To teleport oneself from negative to the positive side of uniqueness is extremely important. To achieve it you just need to open your perception to the ability to see the individuality in others. The uniqueness of personality, when multiplied, creates a wonderful cocktail of human characters. Don’t let the feeling of importance dominate your senses. Make an effort to find friends with similar views and interesting ideas, that will add peculiarity to your own personality.
3) The Lack of a True Felicity from Mutual Love
The sweet-smelling love air stole in at his life but once when he met D., an autistic girl of nineteen with clear and pure miniature skies under the dainty arch of her eyebrows. Only in her company K. felt no need to reduce his conversation to the level of other person’s capacity as he used to do during every intercourse. She poured out more treasures of her luxurious inner nature in one minute than anyone else in his entire life could do.
K. was gifted with her presence only for three summer months she spent at the seaside, and he never saw her again. Those first tokens of love were the only ardent feelings he had ever felt to the other human being in his life. K. felt that his happiness was owing to her, and without her blissful presence his existence lacked purpose.
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No-Soulmate Loneliness, when intimate bounds are missing, is distressing. A sweetheart is a source of love energy. Missing a romantic partner fills heart with silence that is not soothing but upsetting. Not to lose hope of finding the right person is the only cure in this case. Something partaking of the infinite would happen to you and bring variety into your life if you keep your heart from getting arid.
4) Pitching Life to Exhausting Key and Leaving No Space for Oneself
It was not wonderful that K. should wish to stay alone, still trembling with vibrations of love. He grew even more abstracted and tried to busy himself diving in his newly formed plan of moving to the village and burring his over-drained mind in simple farm occupations, that required no thinking process but just hard-working hands.
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No-Time-for-Connection Loneliness is misleading. To throw oneself into daily occupations not leaving any space for yourself and for others is a big mistake. That time may be considered lost, because you may accomplish some goals and fulfill some plans, but if you forget about the food for your soul on the way – you condemn yourself to the whirred, monotonous, and tiresome as a clock life. There will be no one to share the pleasures of your achievements. And happiness, when unshared, is not happiness anymore. It loses the charm and sweetness, that it could otherwise add to your life.
5) Being Not Disposed to Trust and Accept Friendship
K. felt confused, his past mingling in his mind and his present being uncertain. Vague doubtful thoughts hummed like the wings of a bee each time he met a new person. He was ill-disposed to make friends, not trusting anybody and suspecting everybody. He was sure people were not honest when expressing their welcoming attitude. He used to have the vastness of numbers to lose himself in, now he tried to be forgotten in voices of lying and faces of hidden shun that he forced himself to see around.
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Lack-of-Trust Loneliness is a pessimistic approach to life. If you do not believe in existing of truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful people – you do not believe in life itself. Trust is an integral element of any valuable relationship. The ability to distinguish frank faces among the worldly masks which may hide danger is essential. You should peer intrusively into the crowd with a strong faith in divine human nature – and then you will see the brightness of the smile and the beaming of the soul in the eyes of people that you can trust.
6) Walls Filled with Silence of Missing Presence
When at home K. felt his words thrown out, conversations started and no one to address them to. He loved to watch debates on various intellectual topics and used to defend himself tragically in an empty room in front of an imaginary opponent. His clever remarks dashed in vain against empty walls.
Quiet-Presence Loneliness is the lack of companionable silence. Sometimes we need someone to be just there for us, present in the room but not intrusive into our thoughts. The knowledge that we are not alone adds a comforting element to our life. Sometimes a domestic pet may serve as a quiet companion. It is always pleasant to enter into a habitable place after the day’s strain and excitement, rather than to find no eyes to look into during dusk hours.
Getting Hard upon Distractive Loneliness
Food didn’t supply K. with necessary energy anymore. He ate and drank but it didn’t put any heart in him. He couldn’t sleep, the night was fast closing not gifting him with rejuvenating rest. He carried himself with the air of a weary man, feeling the claws of depression pressing harder on his chest. He had no tools to cope with stress, life attractions seemed to be hidden from his eyes. K. found it harder with each day to approach people.
1) Making an Effort to Connect with People
K. fervently hoped to find the way to add to his life some peaceful delight. To find a middle ground: so that he could feel soft tranquility of mind among people and have pleasant moments of solitude every now and then.
One day, the evening was slowly coming on, bringing an intense need to talk to somebody. And I happened to come across his now over-watchful eye. After our prolonged conversation K. agreed to make it customary to meet in the same place at least a couple times a week. By-the-by cheerful serenity started to prevail during our mute and voiced conversations.
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Stay open for others. Connect with people. Nurture relationships. And by degrees you will be able to cultivate trustworthy, noble, heartfelt friends. We need to feel that we belong, to confide, to be able to give and get support. So, make an effort to secure the favor of warm-hearted people and your life won’t stay in need of love and contentment.
2) Expressing Amiable Generosity towards Others
When K. let his heart be open to the truest, warmest, soul-felt gratitude – he started to see more smiling faces around. The reason was simple – the charming smile found its way to his face, and even though he had forgotten how to wear it, his gentle nature was always ready to master every positive skill all over again. K. learned to share the devotion and affection of his nature so long locked and sealed inside his soul. This transformation brought deep and lasting relationships with other people.
Friendship, that before these days seemed impossible, crept in his life accompanied by blithesome music of kind hearts. That music taught K. to value the treasures of the heart over any possessions of the intellect. He stopped feeling superior to others, admitting that he had tons to learn from simple people with little to boast of in terms of monetary luxuries, and so much in terms of joyousness of life.
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Give love and you will receive it back multiplied. Be generous, wrap your beloved people up in attention and affection. Your life will be full of light of unmingled happiness, if you cherish faith in the best in people. And a divine reflection falling from it will be a source of inspiration for others.
3) Asking Yourself the Right Questions
K.’s heart was firmly set on never to return to the sorrow and calamity of his past distractive life apprehensions. He claimed his share of happiness by the way of asking himself what was missing in his life. He was intended to not let his positive spirit tarnish. His super powerful brain found the perfect formula for happiness, and the key element in it was a strong connection to other people.
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In order to find the very thing that prevents you from being happy, you need to constantly ask what is missing in your life. We are everything we think, everything we say, everything we believe, and we encounter on our way what we deserve and expect. Learn to ask questions. We have two ears and one mouth – an obvious sign that we need to listen twice as much as we talk. Be attentive to what your inner nature is saying to you. This way you will be able to fill in all empty places in your life.
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It is vital to know the difference between loneliness that feels draining, distractive, and upsetting; and desired solitude that is peaceful, creative, and restorative. There is something absolute about true companionship: love, trust, support, help – we can see and touch it. When you come to understand that happiness is possible only when a strong connection is present, then you can claim to find a fulcrum in life.