“Take the misery of negative self-judgment in a luxuriously calm refuge-island of self-compassion…”
It is difficult to assign any precise age to V. because he is so full of the ignorance and illusions of youth. His eye alight with certain native intelligence making him a fair example of the erudite class. His mission in life is to draw little audible links, chaining together great inaudible feelings of self-compassion and self-esteem. V’s Ph.D. dissertation on this subject is but the vague shadow of the volumes he has to say. This mental activity was instigated by an economic crisis in his life and a complete change of life views and values that followed it. When V. falls into a train of observations on this topic, I feel how it absorbs my fancy.
Self-compassion makes you move forward through stormy seas of negative self-judgment. Like a ship, it wallows along to the island of tranquil and comfortable repose. Being kind to yourself means to stop the arduous and exhilarating process of idle and erratic life-cycle. To learn the art of positive self-evaluation is essential.
Become a fair judge of your own weaknesses and a virtuoso in the art of self-admiration. To feel unique and special you need to be resourceful in finding inner instruments to make yourself believe in it. Call your faults your own and keep it private, insistently sound in your ears your inner and outer graces, make them an emblem, your trademark – known and accepted by others.
Self-compassion is an irradiation personified, which lights up your entire being with positive emotions. It represents all the vast conscious world of contentment because it soothes the troubled spirits.
1) Scientists Map the Advantages of Self-Compassion
When V. was in his last year in the human development doctoral program at the University of California he was going through a very difficult time. He used to be a person of dazzling interest and attraction when he possessed the means to wish and fancy, to obtain and secure everything he desired.
A climax of his life was pending. His father lost every dollar they had in a risky market deal. Now his passions went ringing home unsatisfied and he could not find any sympathetic response in his surroundings. Prejudice and discrimination were the downsides of his high self-esteem and harsh self-criticism. Feeling the drag of a lean and narrow life of anxiety and depression that followed that financial devastation, V. suffered from fits of narcissistic, self-absorbing anger.
The first note of compassion washes away anxiety. It was suggested by the science that self-compassion slows down the heart rate and the oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is secreted, it lights up regions of the brain linked to empathy, pleasure, and caregiving. Self-compassion serves as spiritual aid that floors depression and raises a person’s self-esteem a good deal higher.
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2) Self-Kindness Punctuates Life with Self-Understanding
V. was an excellent student of a great educational establishment and a bad pupil of the school of life. He considered his youthful energies mis-spent and all priceless treasured lavished. V. was poorly equipped to live frugally and happily, rather he was prone to make up in negative judgmental feelings what he lacked in dollar bills.
V. used to be a typical ‘mazhor’ (a kid of wealthy parents). He snapped his fingers and had everything he wished. When his family’s money vanished, he entered the narcotic state of self-denial. V. simply lost his place in the world, thinking that material positions were the only means determining it.
Three months in a rehabilitation clinic draw a straight line between his past and his present. V. learned all over again to establish contact with people, their engaging characters and charismas, when prior, he labeled any new acquaintance either as a ‘valuable’ or ‘useless’ connection.
Self-compassion eludes good intentions and satisfies those by self-kindness and sympathy to others. It murmurs to your essence that virtually you have a system of values and you respect yourself for it. It tells you that you are not a loose thinker and you can evaluate people and situations from the point of understanding and justification. It tells you to resist the temptation to harshly criticize and judge yourself and others.
3) Self-Compassion Is Marked by Benefits of Self-Esteem Without Its Drawbacks
V. plunged into the healing process by accepting the notion that self-criticism made dread and awe creep upon him. V. started by being cheap enough in regrets, doubts, and self-bitterness and added to his life the rich touch of self-understanding, -acceptance, and -praise.
Self-acceptance gave him power enough to open his heart to the ability to dream gloriously over future and he spared neither effort nor determination to make himself a better person not by beating himself up all the time but by being kind to himself, and … to others.
The neat calligraphy of self-compassion lacks mistakes that quick-fingered self-criticism, a product of high self-esteem, always makes. We all have misprints, but comparing ourselves to others rarely does any good. Embrace yourself for the things you have to share rather than for the things you have to keep and the mess up game will be sensibly diminished if not wholly lapsed.
Remember that self-compassion may still carry in its pocket some of the small change of failure, but it holds to it just to make you accountable and toned, ready to get up again and move, once knocked out by some challenge.
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4) Self-Compassion Prevents Criticism from Holding Back Your Personal Growth
V.’s state was one of the loneliness and forsakenness which struck a deep chord in his soul. He was determined not to let his few supports float away from him. Those load-bearing walls were empathy, caregiving, and feeling of self-compassion.
He needed to add more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions to his life to be able to find new friends, ready to accept him with the whole fabric of his timid personality and teach him to understand the keener pleasures of life without an abundance of money.
Self-compassion grants you with the ability to follow the text of life and read between the lines. The full potential in life is reached when you are alive with thoughts and feelings concerning others that are freed from judgment and negative connotation of any sort. There is no basis for growth in putting others down so that you can feel good in comparison.
Let your imagination take a flight and instead of labeling yourself and others ‘good’ or ‘bad’ simply accept things as they are, because being not perfect means to be unique. Because when you open your heart and show kindness and care towards yourself and others you start a chain reaction of good intentions and positive vibrations. This is contagious and there is no better epidemic to set alight and contaminate others with.
Read more: Competition with Yourself as a Way to Success: 3 Major Reasons to Stick to It Through Thick and Thin
5) Self-Compassion Kindles a Sense of Belonging and Connectedness
V. realized that feeling himself a part of the human creation offered peace of heart and mind. Only when he openly sought refuge from a cold, calculating, and an unpoetic monetary-based world of exceeding self-esteem in a quiet harbor of open communication and sincere attachment was he able to accept himself with all his retrospective shame at the memory and prospective delight of the present.
Being rich in empathy and compassion, gifted with an ability to appreciate the beauty and richness of life, even in hard times – that colored a world for him in charming gratified desires and nurturing flourishing feelings.
Self-compassion drains the cup of common experience. Knowledge, that comes only when communicated; understanding, that is accepted only when discussed; emotions, that felt only when shared – self-compassion makes all of it possible.
Humanity tells about nature and freedom, highest power and engaging connectedness to the world. We need to learn to listen to that valuable information. Attachment to humanity is the only way to diminish suffering.
Isolation lacks not only in social quality, but in self-worth itself. To live means to feel what others feel, to see what others show, and express what you have to share.
6) Self-Compassion Helps to Achieve Balanced Awareness
Now V. claimed to have the poetry enough in him to seek out an open heart in himself and straighten his life in a balanced heartfelt and mindful way. He was not ignoring his past but he was no longer exaggerating his own misconduct.
Self-compassion teaches you to accept the pain and explain the reasons for it. You may not get the answer right away but it will teach you to wait patiently and admit the fact that life is painful sometimes.
Being mindful is to be flexible, but not too useful, ripe, but not too final. The process of growth and improvement should never stop and cultivating yourself is a life-defining principle. Intuitive good nature that is in everyone flourishes under the sun of self-compassion.
V. is imperfect yet magnificent as every one of us is. When he stopped an endless comparison game and embraced what he could share with others rather than what he had for himself his self-esteem gave him joy, and his self-worth became much less easily shaken.
Self-compassion helps to achieve emotional well-being which strengthens the daring to life of any person. It holds your peace and helps to feel the beauty of life even in hard times. It shuts out negative perception and opens up individuality in a person, makes one being present at the moment regardless of the degree of involvement of others around. You seem to radiate an atmosphere of power and productiveness even facing unpleasant feedback about yourself.
There is nothing in this world more delightful than that state when you mentally balance between self-worth and acceptance of imperfections in yourself and in the world around. Being compassionate toward yourself means to be an apt student of fortune’s ways – of luck in life, because positive emotions attract uplifting feelings, delightful people, and magic metamorphoses in life and love.