Painful Loss Should Be Incapable of Flooring You: 4 Techniques to Eliminate Suffering

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You must have a divine heart to be so full of vigor when life is a misery, filled with it like a precious vase…

Introduction

I have but one pen friend, and our old-fashioned correspondence on paper and in an envelope is most cherished by me. She dreams in words of love and hope when her life is tragic enough to make my face distort with darkness.

V. makes beauty beautiful. Her life is a sad song for an outsider and a bright red fire for those who have the privilege to know the divine rebellion of her smile, the cheering appreciativeness of her spirit, and the great resoluteness of her mind.

I painstakingly pieced this story from the several treasured letters I have from V.


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1) Grace Your Life with the Presence of a Diary

May 2014: “I buried myself in the full of soul eyes of my dying husband. I know I need to think of my dear children and myself for their sake, but it is so hard to tear myself from his bedside. His sufferings make my heart weep. I wish I could sacrifice myself and save him. His voice raising painfully when he holds my hand and pronounces my name. I quiver with restrained grief and smile to cheer him up.”

V.’s husband was going through tormenting sufferings on his way to the end of life. The inner inflammation, the result of a fall from a high staircase, was incurable due to his intolerance of every known medicine. The question of surgery was not even possible to discuss as he would not tolerate anesthesia. Since early days he used to take only specific herbs as treatments from some minor pain or disorder and be overly careful in his daily life so as not to endanger his health. This fall was an unhappy accident, result of some slight clumsy move, that caused inner injury – impossible to cure in his specific unique case.

June 2014: “My diary and these letters to you are my salvation. I often write and hold his hand in mine. I put on paper what I feel and seal it in an envelope, I plead and pray to the God and hide it in my soul-felt diary.”

August 2014: “He is in constant pain but looks the very incarnation of quiet bravery and love. Even in his intolerable condition he strives to carry away my disquietude by talking about the beauty of life after death and the pleasure I should feel on this earth even when he will leave me.”

September 2014: “Whenever he is awake from his tired slumber he asks me to write the messages to our sons so that I can deliver it to them when they will grow up to understand the preciousness of every word that was voiced through pain and suffering. I like to listen to his sentiments. I love his extreme good sense, his exquisite taste and feeling of life. He urges our boys to be uncompromisingly bold in the defense of their opinions and life principals, to be earnest and keen in pursuing their dreams, and win the esteem of their mother and father by vindicating their character from any unkind inclination.”


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Life may seem vengeful. When a beloved person is forever lost the existence appears empty. A painful loss sternly represses breathing although the chest is heaving with passionate feeling. Eyes become blind to all life attractions, ears deaf to all the words of love and affection. Every living being that still keeps smiling looks so provokingly heartless and mindless.

That aversion to life must be cured. Writing your feelings down by-the-by will help to bring consolation. It is one among the several healing techniques that is able to brighten the doomed comprehension of life. Let the melancholy musings and painful lamentations stay on paper. The words of sorrow, written in a diary will purchase solace and tranquility.

2) Let Place, People, and Obligations Comfort Your Spirit

November 2014: “With an agitated, burning heart and brain I live through every minute of my life without him. How do I dare to live when he is not among the living? The one, who in intellect, in purity and elevation of soul, was immeasurably superior to anyone I know. I rush outside to cool my feelings in the balmy winter air, and to compose myself each time I feel the hot tears coming to my throat. Solitude of my garden helps me to put on a gleeful smile to cheer my kids.”

December 2014: “The poison of this loss spreads through all my essence. I now recognize its harmful intentions. The serious depth of it may kill life within me. I fight it, turn my back upon it. I seek retirement for my pain in taking care of my kids. They are my salvation. I let my head to be carried away by their childish ideas. There is no better cure like a merry, simple-hearted child – ever ready to cement broken heart, to melt the ice of freezing soul, and overthrow the walls of sorrowful isolation.”


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To be a prey to distressful feelings is a sad destiny. To do our utmost to live life happily is the only installment of our universal debt. There is a certain graceful ease about being busy with daily life, household chores, taking care of the kids. These activities distract from painful recollections. When you remind yourself that there are still living people that need your attention you tend to forget to torment yourself with thoughts about death – life is calling you to be present and active.

The freedom of nature and tranquility of some quiet shelter gives a sense of repose and expansion to the mind. When you take your place on a bench under your favorite tree it opens the floodgates of your soul. Here in loneliness you can pour away the tears of grief. Being with beautiful life one on one you can learn all over again to feel the rays of sunshine with your soul, and to experience the freshness of breeze with your heart.

3) Open up Your Heart to a Friend

March 2015: “My mother is my faithful friend. When I see a flash of love in her eyes, a glow of sincere care on her face – I think that one day I will cease to feel this pain. When a throbbing recollection flash upon me, and a cloud of sorrow darkens my eyes, I talk to her: in person, on the phone, or in my mind, and a moment of inward conflict gives place to quiet conduct. I start to behave with exceeding calmness so that she never had occasion to reprove me once.”


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It is an overwhelming toil to be in constant grief. Everyone needs to recover from the effects of it and a close attachment to the living dear people is the best cure in this case. A heartfelt conversation with a friend can fill you with faith, hope, and joy. It will drive away the keen regrets and bitter dregs of lingering sorrow that still oppresses your heart.

4) Delightful and Fruitful Activity

November 2015: “I started my book with more truth than wisdom. In the beginning I was still fearing to be rooted to my loss. Often the paroxysm of pain and despair was preventing me from saying what I was intended to say. A torrent of tears stained the pages of my book with misery and I prayed for forgetfulness. But only memory gave life to my words. Never do I endure so long, so blissful nights as when I write. I go through every moment of happiness and pain all over again. My goal is to keep the fire of my foaming and swelling with emotions life engaging and bright, so it warms the hearts of other people.”

January 2016: “My book is published, and I feel as if an icy hand grasps my heart and is constantly checking its pulsation. Still, deep in my soul I feel that no rain of critic and judgment can void my faith in the truth I shared.”

September 2016: “Smiles and tears are so alike with me. I often cry when there is nothing left but to laugh and smile when I am in bitter grief. My book is gaining its share of love and popularity. My head is so haunted by the ideas for a new one. I feel graceful easiness and freedom about all I do these days. The expansion that this new authorship gives to my mind is so refreshing.”


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Perhaps another great healing technique would be an activity, business, hobby – the mode of actions that is enjoyable to the utmost degree for you. You might have been thinking to renovate your house long ago – this is the time to do it. In the process of implementing this plan you may find that this is the exact occupation that delights you enormously and you may think to change the course of your career. My dear friend started to write a book and found consolation in putting her feelings on paper. She transformed her life, and by the crafty pen in her hand she managed to help others to find equilibrium in theirs.

Keeping yourself busy and enjoying every moment of it is not a job, it is a recovery process that cures your heart and heals your soul. Leading active life prevents you from disturbing your own heart by touching upon the infectious thoughts of loss and grief too often.

Read more in my books

Conclusion

October 2018: “The literary fires redouble kindled by a complication of emotions. And happiness is the chief in this turmoil. I cannot stop writing and now, when I have three books published and the fourth one on my table ready to be sent, I find myself in deep reverie thinking over the plot for the next one. A broad sea is rolling between my past and present. My soul is forever united to the one that is dead in body but always living in my heart. My husband is my everyday companion. I feel his soothing presence. And this feeling of our reunion is not sad anymore but rejuvenating.”


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To find an antidote to painful emotions is essential. Grief, when left alone, may carry you away against any reason and will. It breathes a tired apathy born of long sorrow and hopelessness. You need to fight for your life and happiness every day of your life for the sake of those who are living and for those who are no longer among us. Diary, a sincere conversation with a friend, busying yourself with the chores around your life and the lives of your dependents, and finding an activity that cheers you up – all these healing techniques will for sure bring consolation and peaceful acceptance of your fate.

Stay tuned…

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18 comments

  1. It is not always easy to cope with the loss of a loved one. Excellent strategies! I particularly love the one about keeping yourself busy doing something you love.

  2. The loss of a dear one is too painful and never easy, never!!! But I agree, there are ways to manage all those feelings. Thanks a lot for the tips.

  3. I’ve been keeping a journal ever since I was in elementary school, and it’s always helped me keep track of how I’m feeling. I love that I can also look back on it and see how I’ve changed as a person, particularly emotionally.

  4. Losing a love one is never easy, but 1 day that hurt will turn into a celebration. Celebrating the time you’ve had together

  5. These are great tips, but I think all people deal with grief differently. There is not fool proof method of dealing with it. Some people want to be alone with their grief, others want people around to help comfort them. There is no wrong way to deal with it. Do what works for you.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing as it can be truly hard for anyone dealing with loss. This is the perfect piece for anyone dealing with this… and keeping busy for me always works 🙂

  7. These are really helpful tips. I know we will have some losses coming up in our future so I’m going to try and remember this.

  8. You do have to open up yourself to the people around you if you are going to survive through loss. And loss can come in all kinds of ways. Friends can be the antidote from falling into the abyss.

  9. Great post. I’ve just lost my grandfather and grandmother, and I’m struggling with the reality of it. What’s more is my grandfather is also struggling with out his wife of over 60 years. It’s hard to see them like that.

  10. Amazing story to read. And it sure is a good thing that she wrote a book. Beautiful sentences.
    And it is hard to lose a loved one and everybody has another way to deal with this pain.

  11. Great tips! Dealing with a loss is never easy for any person. I do hope we don’t face often in our lives

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