Turn off the Niagara of Regrets: 6 Ways to Avoid Being Upset About Your Past

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In a field of battle with regret you must either slay or be slain.

Out of Heart

D. was out of humor and out of heart. It has been almost 2 years now, but his grief grew fast and furious with every succeeding year. His wife died from heart failure. Miraculously, they were at the stop sign when it happened, the horn of a car announced the death. Her innocent and pathetic face was radiant with the new happiness. D. couldn’t help wondering how she could be so glad to leave him alone. Sitting on a front passenger seat he unconsciously called to mind a portrait he saw in a gallery some years ago. The painter neglected the background, reserving all the magic of his brush for the quiet happy face of a woman. His wife at that moment looked just like her, as if she had caught the golden glory of heaven on her countenance.

Read more: Patience – Wise Ability to Wait: 7 Reasons to Practice This Emotionally Freeing Power

The existence of conscience makes the claws of regret sharp. And the stronger one the deeper the other can penetrate a sensitive flesh. The depressing influence of this feeling creates the sensation of a jail in a living body. This emotion casts a grim look about life. The damp atmosphere that regret creates is suffocating. We need to learn how to dispel the smog from the past and at the same time to keep out hearts from being dried -up.


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1) No Need to Dwell on It

She felt discomfort in her chest for a few weeks prior to the terrible culmination on that day. D. mentioned to her several times that she needed to see a doctor. He blamed himself for a lack of persistence. And the regret he felt had a sensation of almost maternal protection. Its watchful eye never left his side. It didn’t let his mind to wander elsewhere. Some days he could feel the throbbing of her heart, as if she was pressed in affectionate embrace close to his chest, those days were worse than others.

The catastrophes of previous days can darken with a shade of remorse the future ones. Some deeds are done impetuously, others are out of our control. To weather those storms of life and not to be worn out is the actual purpose of their existence. There is no way to change what’s done, so no need to stamp life with the print of past adversities.

2) Give a New Turn to Your Thoughts

He would do impossibilities to bring her back. He owed his happiness to her, and when she was gone – it felt like an explosion. And he could not pick up the fragments with all the care of an antiquary he applied. He became stifle. His mind and soul were on fire, and that blaze seemed to gleam from hell. There was no space left for new emotions. That dark, evening power that dominated in D.’s life had some magnetic energy that attracted empathetic people. He often was behindhanded with his work, but his senior manager closed her eyes on every mismatch in his schedule.

To be more ardent, more eloquent, more entrancing is a process of growth that often goes hand in hand with ill luck and pain. But for the sake of a happy life the past should be respected and thought over every now and then. Those experiences are tombstones that keep the castle of any unique personality firm and steady. In the enormous mileage of the past everything is a blessing. Tears poured over some broken expectations should teach a lesson of breathing through the pain and moving with a renewed and reskilled hope.

Read more: The Poison of Detracting Tongues or How to Live by Your Own Judgements: 4 Major ‘Why-s’ to Consider


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3) Let the Past Be Your Capital

The tension was growing. There are some ways of looking at you that seem to penetrate your soul. D. looked at people and made them feel as though they had nothing on. That irritated a lot and captivated many. After all, that sorrow he endured gave him that Renaissance’s ‘Romeo’ flavor. And his gloomy voice could talk the language of enigmatic gallantry of that time.

Limbs should remember the moves that were wrong so that the repetition of those is impossible. That knowledge is a capital that serves for good. The treasures of the previous days should be collected in a safe place and scrutinized in a moment of hard decisions. That knowledge would be able to help taking the right turn in the right moment in the future.

4) Bring a Positive Outcome

D. could not see the outpouring lava of affection that he excited. The lady-boss at work was on fire, like a human volcano she loved with the fierce of unchained nature but that feeling unsatisfied could as easily go to its sudden cessation. She was a woman and needed happy feelings to accompany her days. D. was a different person after 8 years marriage and 2 years mourning. His senses were wrapped in perfect understanding of woman’s nature, he only needed to cast an unblinded eye at the world around.

No one is the same person as he used to be a regretful moment ago. Now ideas that otherwise would not be entertained are generated in one’s mind. Various pieces of information assemble the personality and it just happens so that misfortunes give a more positive outcome in terms of helpful life tools than merry experiences could have done.

Read more: What to Do When a Painful Loss Is Piercing Your Heart: 4 Healing Techniques


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5) Revert the Importance

D. gazed about him with a saddened eye paying attention to the dim side of life. That desire to expand every misfortune in daily life and minimize the impact of many little jolly things was roasting him alive. D. needed thunder and lightning to wake him up and transform that death-like, sepulchral look into his regular prior-to-the-fatal-day features.

With that baggage from the past, one can go far or stay unmoved. Everyone decides for himself. The suitcases should be packed wisely. If there are useful instruments and none of any other unnecessary stuff like all kinds of sad and heavy feelings as regret and the like – the step is light, and the passage is easy. Life is cooler when sometimes less weight is given to the important and more value devoted to the trifling little jolly things. So, in other words, performing a blah with sarcastic importance and taking important for a mumbo-jumbo is quite a good key to a lighter step in life.

6) Fill in the Space

D.’s heart finally spoke to him and he happened to take to it. The blow of losing a job served as a curing disaster that shook his essence. When enough time was given to self-wandering, he realized that there were still pages in his life book that he had not read. Volumes of explanation would not have been needed, we women can understand at a word, and that word was love. The space in his heart that used to be filled with agony was emptied and a current of life-giving feelings refilled it.

Trudging timidly through life is a punishment that one inflicts on himself when consciously dwells on the past with disappointment in mind. Sad experience leaves an empty space in life that needs to be filled in. Bad or good replacement is the choice one makes.


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Conclusion

Their mutual happiness was so unanimous. It seemed as if all the voices in their life spoke of love. D. and his wife moved to a different state after their marriage. D. does not have greedy teeth for blessings but always remembers to be grateful for every little merry moment, that is why life is good-natured to him now. Happiness is the poetry spoken in a woman’s voice. He had his second chance to hear the poem of his life and he didn’t miss the opportunity to condemn himself to delicious sounds.

Arm-wrestling with the past is an exhausting and worthless process. A positive view on days-by-gone creates a profusion of loving energy that motivates a person in his life. Occurrence in the past, bad or good, is a wonderful lesson that builds personality. Everyone is unique because every experience is individual. The way one interprets it determines success or failure in life. There is no way to change the past but altering attitude towards it is magical.

Bright and nice always wins over cold and unkind.

The sun comes out eventually and clouds dissipate – it is the law of life.

Stay tuned…

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46 comments

  1. I don’t think you can avoid being upset over something as long as you still feel its negative impact even after time had passed. However, how you react to it and control it is matter of choice. I guess I’m that cold.

  2. I agree using your regrets as building stones to create a future where regret does not exist. Live on purpose. Great way to explain regret as a learning experience vs a negative life journey.

  3. Couldn’t agree more with the points that you have mentioned! We can’t change the things we did in our past. The only thing we can do is learning from our mistakes and moving forward!

  4. This is a great post that so many can use as it is so easy to get wrapped up in the past. We cannot change to past so we just need to live for today and the future and learning from any mistakes made in the past is the best way to learn as long as we make sure not to repeat them.

  5. Great article to read, and some really great tips here for not allowing depression to take over. I really love the way you write.

  6. Such a great post! I am going to share this article with my sister who is still upset about her past 😔😟 The past few years were quite difficult for her and that’s why maybe she still can’t get out of it!

  7. This is such a great post. It’s very important to let go of the past and to start over however it’s very important to also remember that because of your past you are who you are.

  8. I spent a lot of time looking at the past, mulling over it … but now I’ve learned to live the present always projected into the future.

  9. Regretting is destructive but not always it can be easily controlled. Your post bring along a very valuable advice and approach

  10. I have a tough time with the past, and I basically just try not to think about it at all, which seems to work pretty well. Sometimes I get a harsh reminder of the past, and then I seem to dwell on it, but I am able to get over it for the most part.

  11. Perspective is so important when you are dealing with invasive thoughts like regret. You do have to be able to change the way you are looking at things in order to see things in a new and better light.

  12. Let your past be your capital is wonderful! I think most of us have regrets, but the true power is letting go and letting the healing begin.

  13. I truly appreciate this post as holding onto the past is a devastating thing for sure and I know someone that can use this post. Sharing for sure 🙂

  14. Well yes I need to admit even when sometimes I am alone I tend to dwell on the past and sometimes feel like crying aloud. Your article is an inspiration to move on and yes its true we should. Life has many things good in store for us and we must not avoid it.

  15. I can completely agree with this. I relate in the past to being upset about my past. Today I am a different person. Live a life of no regrets.

  16. It’s very hard to let go of the past. It doesn’t matter if it s a sad picture or a happy one. I still feel a myriad of emotions from various experiences I’ve had in the past. But eventually you get to process the kind of emotions that you allow, based on the level of acceptance, forgiveness, and optimism you’ve allowed yourself to develop.

  17. Just as others say with regards on not dwelling.. move on, dont stay on that state too much as it will not help.

  18. Being upset is not a great feeling. I guess I just need to remember that 10% of our life is what happens to us and 90% of it is how we react to them. Whenever I feel upset, I’ll just try my best to think the positive of the situation.

  19. Such a beautiful post! These are such great tips. Allowing ourselves time to grieve is important – there can be a lot of guilt in feeling sad especially if you feel like you should be “getting over it by now”. We all process things at different paces and in different ways. When I had my miscarriage I remember feeling like I wasn’t grieving in the way that everyone thought I should be, but I went through it in the way that made the most sense to me.

  20. We always have regrets in life. But of-course we have a different way to deal with it. And this article really point how to deal it in simple and most efficient way. Thanks for this.

  21. Thanks for reminding me to always move forward. Every life has a trial. And it will always pass by. Always remember. Past is past. And there’s no need for coming back to it.

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