Let me show you how you can love it.
I met N. when I was in hospital on some trifling issue with my collarbone. We got together somehow. The simplicity and cheerfulness of her nature was the best recommendation for me. N. was always disposed to chatter and I loved to listen to her stories. So, when N. invited me to snatch a meal at her parents’ house on one of the weekends I agreed with delight.
It often goes to my heart to see people who are unhappy in their bodies. This meeting with N.’s mother was the more singular, inasmuch as I could not be unaware that N. felt somewhat uneasy to introduce me to her mom. But N. sensed a kind and open heart in me and wanted my smiling face to cheer her family.
I did my best to not show my astonishment at seeing her mother. But I bet it was all written on my over expressive face. I never before or since saw a woman so big. I was just a shy child and on my asking if there was anything I could do to help her with setting up the table or getting the tea ready she became suddenly annoyed and left the room without saying a word. I felt her embarrassment and pain as my own. I didn’t think a moment but acted on impulse. Rushing right after her I hugged her big body and cried bitterly in her soft bosom.
That was a magic night. I do not remember laughing so much ever since.
I left the hospital in a week and we lost each other being a few years apart and busy with our lives. At that age it was a huge obstacle: I still played with dolls and she started to go out with boys.
In my final year at university just before moving overseas I rented an apartment with my friend. The kids next door were noisy little devils. On one occasion they were fighting in the little corridor we shared and ruined our shoe shelf. Their mom came out of the door just at the time when I was vainly trying to rescue my boots out of the younger boy’s hands when he was trying to kick his brother with one boot and to pull the other on his own poor head as a helmet)))
I was so much taken up by the drama in front of me that I didn’t right away realize that a lady next door was dragging me out of the fighting boys’ way and into her apartment. I found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the table with the lucky boot in one hand and a cup of fragrant tea in the other.
I was well rewarded for my pains with love and hospitality bestowed on me by my old friend N. “Forget about the little rascals, Oly.” (N. was the only one calling me so) “They will get their share of motherly affection when I’m done with you.” We hugged and kissed, we laughed and chatted till midnight, N.’s husband dealing with the kids.
1) Love Yourself Today
We were throwing tea parties almost every night since then. I used to look at N. from time to time with an air of conscious admiration. Refreshed, delighted, invigorated, she carried the world before her by the forth of love she bestowed on herself, her children, and her husband. She rarely came out of the apartment, mostly busing herself at the kitchen making all kinds of delicacies for her boys. She had a big heart in her rather big body.
Her husband adored her, children obeyed her every other time)))), and unlike her mother she loved herself just the way she was.
2) Let Your Family and Friends Help
N. needed to go out more often. I knew that, she knew that, and her husband secretly asked me to encourage her. He tried to convince her every possible way he could invent but being a soft and loving person, he could not say ‘but’, or ‘no’ to his sweetheart. Good enough he said ‘yes’ and ‘sure’ to everything I suggested.
First, she could see neither rhyme nor reason in it. “Why would I need to go out? I have everything I need here handy. And besides, my mom was pretty sound and jolly at home too.”
Her mother died at 43. Too many health complications caused by that extra weight. So, N. needed to change her life to be there for her family.
3) Take Little Steps
I asked her a few times to run some errands for me, excusing myself by the business of my working and studying schedule. Then I offered evening walks instead of evening tea rounds. Half hour stroll gave way to an hour one, temp getting faster, music accompanying conversations.
4) Find a Thing You Like
N. loved music. Her tuneless yet sweet humming was pleasing to the ear. I found out there was a dancing studio nearby. The time worked for both of us and I urged her to try. She became friendly with the elderly woman instructor. Gradually that kind and sincere lady took my place in N.’s life. I felt good transferring my duties to her, knowing I was leaving my lovely N. in good hands.
5) Reward Yourself
I got into a habit of sending N. a motivational postcard each month with little writing coming from my very heart. She sent me photos of her-improving-self in gorgeous dresses she crafted for her dance performances. It was quite an expense for her family, but surely the one they could proudly enjoy, watching that magnificent woman’s every graceful move.
“In a different family – or a different time, with someone different beside… I might have been the person I want to be.” That is not the right way to start your day, to live your life. You are precious, beautiful, benevolent. And with support of people that love you, taking little steps, and finding the very thing you like – you can change anything in yourself that is not exactly what you want it to be.
Step to your new life as if you have wings to your feet, and can go without fatigue for many miles slowly, taking your time and experiencing a sense of your inner and outer beauty even if this feeling is an entire stranger to you. Embrace it in your heart, embrace yourself with love.